Copland III

Oh dear, I have been awful in not blogging for so long. I’m afraid other commitments have kept me busy. Oh well. To catch up, let’s see who this week’s Prize Twat is. This week, it’s a little topical and partly down to convenience.

Richard Dawkins has been kind enough to make some of his hate mail public, and PZ Myers reposted some of it under the title Richard Dawkins gets mail, too. This particular letter was from a Mr (well, one assumes) Peter Colley of Bellevue, Washington, who wrote…

DAWKINS!

You are a filthy, mother-fucking, pigshit cunt of an arsehole British pig and bastard to cheat, deceive and hoodwink readers with your rotten free inquiry article (which shit I enclose so you can read your own drivel!) No one but an arrogant, putrid, verminous burke [Ed: berk!?] would resort to such a cheap, pigsty trick (unless, of course, he is Michael Shermer, who is as much of a stinking cunt and skunk as you are). Wallow well in your elitist pigsty, elitist British oaf and vermin!!! I spit on shit like you, especially if they are British elitist turds!!!

Most sincerely yours,

Peter Colley

PETER COLLEY

P.S. Fuck you, stinking son of a British whore!!!

Sometimes these letters are so awful, they’re funny. And, quite conveniently, if I continue with my plan to offer a physical prize to whoever wins the Twat of the Year award, he has kindly offered his address. Wonderful.

One can’t help but think the Holy See is a little hypocritical. First it revises the Seven Deadly Sins to include environmental pollution and obscene richness, conveniently skipping over the fact that its value, partly funded by its shares in the very environmentally friendly chemical and oil industries, is somewhere in excess of $15,000,000,000.

Now it’s calling love of money, power and possessions a “Pagan [...] plague”. Disregarding the fact that this is highly disrespectful towards Pagans, this only serves to reinforce my own opinion that the Catholic church is an organisation stuck in the twelfth century, which covers up paedophilia, preaches hate towards people of other religions, believes a piece of bread can turn into a small slice of the (several hundred tonne) Jesus, and somehow thinks that it’s acceptable to surround itself with masses of material possessions and money, AND somehow thinks that it’s entitled to push its ridiculous brand of belief on anyone it happens to encounter.

And the bible tells us to give away all our money.

Whenever a Christian is questioned about what makes his religion more believable than, say, Wicca, or Roman paganism, he’ll chide you for being so foolish, and then say something along the lines of

but Christianity is rational. We don’t believe in giant hierarchies of gods who are always fighting each other with mythical beasts and ridiculous myths…

As you’ve probably guessed, he is wrong. Believing in one sky fairy is no different to believing in many sky fairies who maintain a Sex and the City-like scenario up amongst the clouds. And as for the missing ‘ridiculous myths’? The bible is full of them. Here’s a short list of them:

• The Earth being created in seven days by a cloud fairy
• A life-sustaining tree and a tree which makes people shameful of their bodies in a garden guarded by an fairy with a knife somehow made of fire
• The world being flooded and then un-flooding miraculously, murdering thousands of people indiscriminately
• A bush, on fire, talking
• A stick turning into a snake and back
• ‘Magic’ performed by an Egyptian pharaoh’s minions
• Water turning into blood
• A plague of boils
• Complete darkness (apart from Jewish houses)
• The mass-murder of all the Egyptian first-born sons
• A virgin birth
• Water turning into wine
• A person being resurrected from the dead from a tomb
• A person being resurrected from apparent death on a bed
• A person being resurrected from the dead, with a regenerated body
• A person disappearing spontaneously into the clouds
• Wind, and fire, talking

All the things I’ve listed above are either just as crazy as belief in a water-god with a trident, or very unremarkable. But what about mythical beasts? The bible has plenty of them.

• Satan (occupying a snake and later humanoid form)
• The Beast (Revelation)
• The Leviathan
• The Behemoth
• The giant fish which swallowed Jonah (no fish in the world is large enough to swallow a human being, even at ancient sizes, and you’d think god would know a whale is a mammal)